A PewPewCat Rambling – Decisions

A PewPewCat Rambling

For some strange reason, I have found that this time of year has been the hardest on me. Especially the past two years. It always starts the day of or after Valentines day and continues to March 3rd. Right now, I can’t think like I normally do, so instead of a blog about a new indie video game, this time I’m just going to do a PewPewCat Rambling on my current thoughts.

Stress is a killer, and believe me my panic attacks are currently out of control. My day job has me so stressed out that I don’t sleep at night. Add a car accident on Valentines day, an estranged family member contacting me less than a week later telling me that my grandmother is not doing well. Only to have her pass  a week later, specifically the day before my significant had to go out of town for a week. I’m currently on day three since her passing.

Let’s just say, this here blog is being my therapist right now. I’m having a hard time functioning. The worst part is feeding myself. I don’t want to eat, but I do. So I eat an entire box of Japanese styled peanut mochi. All I want to do is lie in bed and watch random old vines that I find on Facebook. I try to play video games, but they’re just too much brain power right now. Too much thinking, and it makes me exhausted.

Luckily, even though I’m being swallowed by grief, I still have a light somewhere at the end of the tunnel. A light like, me quitting my extremely stressful job to go back to school come this Friday. Which brings it’s own anxieties. However, I’m pretty sure that my grandmother would have wanted me to do that. So I’ll do it for me, for her, and for all my other family members out there who have been telling me to do this.

Yet, as for right now. I’m overcome with grief. Each day will become easier, but seriously. I don’t want to do anything more than lie in bed right now. Well I guess I can do that next week.

Thank you everyone for reading my ramble. I’ll hopefully be getting back to my old self here shortly.

One thought on “A PewPewCat Rambling – Decisions

  1. I feel the same way you do with stress. It has been an extremely rough 2017 for me too. I hope everything gets better for you Mattie.
    I almost put in my two weeks notice last week and then almost decided to just quit.

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